Invisible beings.

They walk among us.

They laugh.  They cry.




Yearning to be loved.

To be touched.  Noticed.

What’s that like? 



Ghosts from another time.

Lives from long ago.


Can you hear me?  Can you see me? 

Do you know I’m here?



Reaching.  Loving.

My First Ramadan…lite.

My First Ramadan:
Okay,  sort of but not really.   So, I see my neighbors putting boxes and boxes of dates in their cars, and I’m like, “what’s up?” and she’s all, “it’s for Ramadan,” and I’m all “oh, okay,” and then I’m like “okay bye.” and she’s all “bye.”  The hubs doesn’t do a whole lot of talking.
  So, that was like two or three days ago right.  So, today I have to go up and tell her not to use her kitchen sink until the plumber comes, and before I leave she like hands me some dates and she’s all,  “they’re for Ramadan.”
And I’m all “okay,  thanks.” (Squishy face) because I still don’t know what they signify.
Hmm. Google and Siri here I come. Now I know, so I’m sharing.
  “Dates are a staple fruit of the Middle East having been in cultivation for thousands of years. Traditionally, dates are known as the food Muhammad ate when he broke from his fast.”   That’s according to
That’s cool right? !  I know!  Anywho.  The medical reason for it is because dates contain many nutrients the body can absorb really quickly after fasting from sunrise to sunset.  You’ve just spent the whole day not eating so you don’t want to get sick by eating something too fatty and lacking in vital nutrients.  So not only are you emulating Mohammad but you’re protecting your health as well.  Nice.
  Technically , I broke my four hour fast, fast-lite, with some Indian food today.   That’s how we socalians do it:-) but it didn’t stop me from appreciating my new shared experience with my neighbor.
  Goodness knows after Sunday’s hatred in Orlando, we need to spread inclusion and togetherness as much as we can.  We, after all, are all one.

Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self

I just read a book in which a variety of people, some very well known and some not so well known, wrote a letter to their sixteen year old selves.  I thought it was a great idea.  Of course the first thing you would do is to tell yourself to tell your parents to buy shares in a company called Apple and a company called Google.  It’s computer and technology stuff. Don’t laugh at the names, or laugh if you want, just make sure to buy the shares.  You will thank me later. After that, the door is wide open.

It is fact that under the best of circumstances, sixteen is a very awkward year for most people.  Hormones are raging.  High school is happening and it is also about the time  you are submitting applications for college and taking what seems like a bazillion tests. Add to that,  you are discovering who you are as an individual for the first time.  That’s not awkward at all.  Many are dealing with situations beyond that that can be extremely taxing.

I still regard sixteen as one of the most difficult years of my life, even after every thing I’ve experienced in this world up to this point.  My mother’s cancer returned and I and my nuclear family had to give up our beautiful home and the majority of our belongings to go and live with my maternal grandmother.  If there is one thing you need to know at this point, it is that she hated(haaaated) me.  She always did, and I was about to move into the lion’s den.

I am eternally grateful to my sixteen year old self and I marvel to this day at the fact that I survived that year.  So, here’s a picture of sixteen year old me and my letter to my sixteen year old self.FullSizeRender

Dear DJ(yup, that’s what I was called back then),

The core of the person that you are now is the person that you will always be and that’s a good thing.  Integrity and character are your cornerstones , but not everybody shares those qualities,  so trust your instincts as you always have.  They are spot on every time.   

These are some things that you already know.  This is just a reminder to never forget them:

1) The world is a very large place with a wide variety of people in it.  It is great fun learning all about it.   

2) You are a fighter.  You are a survivor.  Learn to thrive.

3) Trust your gut because some people are users, knowingly and not, and they do not always have your best interest at heart.  Do not give them second or third chances.  Trust me it’s a waste of time.    

4) You are not alone.

5) Being yourself is the best thing you can be.

Learn quickly that there is beauty in gentleness and there is nothing wrong with being different, in fact it’s a strength.  And for goodness sake learn to meditate.  It’s miraculous…and don’t forget to tell your parents to buy those shares.  

P.S. I think you owe your Spanish teacher fifty cents, not because you took the candy bar, but because the candy bars were your responsibility, and yes of course we know now who did take it.

With great love and great respect,


Expanding Your Horizons

Are you doing that end of year, New Year reminiscing thing?  I am, but this time I’m going way back.  I’m thinking about defining moments that happened when I was seven and eight and twelve.  It was a whole bathing suit thing.  I’ll tell you about it later. Sometimes you have to look back to move forward, to expand your horizons.

What do pink tutus and purple galoshes have in common or argyle socks and camouflage pants for that matter?  For you GQers that second one is totally a look trust me.  A child wouldn’t hesitate to wear those items together.  Adults not so much.  It’s about freedom of expression, expanding your ideas of what it means to be dressed appropriately or in fashion.  It’s about adding to our repertoire of ideas of who we are and what we want to be.    

Remember that apartment that you lived in that was a total dump or that roommate you had who probably would have made it to someone’s psychological watch list.  It was an interesting time.  It even makes for a great story at a party but you don’t want to repeat the experience, just the story.  Things change.  Life’s circumstances change and yet we tend to do the same things day in and day out.  Some people grow older but they might not ever grow.

Back then life was an adventure.  There was always something to look forward to, a new home, a new car, a better job.  We weren’t worried about settling into a comfortable life because there were too many things that we wanted to do, things that needed changing. 

I used to get in trouble for coloring outside the lines and for coloring at perpendicular angles on the same object.  I would start coloring up and down and then I would get tired of coloring in that direction so I would turn the picture to the side and color in a different direction on the same object.  Ms. Johnson, yes I still remember her name, didn’t appreciate my artistic sensibilities.  My pictures were still awesome, at least to me anyway.  I respected my temperament.  I allowed my third grade self to be fully me.  I didn’t know there was any other way.  Allow your adult self to be fully you.  Remember what it’s like to not know any other way. Explore your inner landscape. 

FullSizeRender  Do you want to try something new?  Something different?  Something more, or maybe even something less?  Could be an opportunity for black velvet pants and cowboy boots, just sayin.’  Now is not the time to be afraid of being something nobody else has seen. 

  As adults we get conditioned to blend in and not stand out. Everybody has heard the phrase, “don’t upset the apple cart.” We get conditioned to settle into sameness.  Feel free to paint the bathroom walls red. Color outside the lines in whatever direction you choose

To quote George Lucas, you know that guy who made that movie.  I can’t quite think of the name of it right now.

    “Don’t listen to your peers.  Don’t listen to your parents.  Only listen to yourself. That’s where you’ll find your truth.”


Be You.

“My name is Danya White and I am a magazine-aholic. It has been one hour since my last viewing.”

MagsCrowd: “Hi, Danya.”

“OK, ok, if we’re being honest here it’s only been five minutes since my last viewing. I’m sorry, so sorry, that high gloss paper has got me bad.”

It’s true I do love magazines, in honesty, not nearly as much as I used to and that’s only because I don’t have the time, if we’re being completely honest here. My “addiction” started early. I think I was in high school when I picked up my first Seventeen. The buying steam-rolled from there. Glamour. Bazaar. Elle. Then I discovered the bible of them all, Vogue. There is no other.   I love all kinds actually, not just fashion. The people in the pictures are wearing the best of the best and they’re hanging out in the most luxurious of locations, participating in events that I could only dream of. It was quite a high for this small town girl. Those magazines made my world larger.

As much as I loved, love those magazines I knew they could not define who I was, who I am. I had to do that for myself.   I have to define myself. I determine who I am. It is I who knows my own value.

Define yourself. Don’t look for others to define you. Look in the mirror and tell yourself the story of you. No one else has that right. Self-knowledge is the most important knowledge. Self-care is the most important care. Others may define you as the pauper when you should be defined as prince. It’s your choice. Whether you have chosen beauty school or business school. Step away from the chaos of the world outside to connect with, reacquaint yourself with you and your world within.

The art of knowing who you are starts with an unconditional acceptance of who you are and a willingness to take the time to get to know who that person is, the person staring at you in the mirror when you’re brushing your teeth in the morning(and at night). It takes an incredible act of courage.

We just celebrated a day in which we could dress up as anything we wanted. You’re allowed to do that in your everyday life as well. Perhaps you want to explore the life of an attorney or paramedic. You can start with a class or conduct an informational interview or read a magazine. Believe me, whatever it is, there’s a magazine for that.

It takes an act of self-love to decide to define yourself. Self-definition begins with asking questions of yourself: What do I want? What do I need? What do I need to do to get it? What do I need to let go of to get to where I want to be.

How do I know what I want you ask? Think about what you daydream about the most. It’s probably some variation on that. We create our existence. We define ourselves. You decide who you are.   You don’t let someone else tell you what to eat. You may ask for suggestions but the ultimate decision is yours.   You are unique. Tell yourself the story of you then share it with the world.

Don’t spend your whole life trying to fit into someone else’s world, a world where nothing ever feels quite right. What about being you? Define yourself. You can pick and choose the things you like from whatever life or circumstance you’ve observed and leave the rest behind. Your choices define you. You define you.

This is the part where I tell you to do something new. Nope, not yet. Get quiet. Ask the questions and listen for the answers. Ok I did it a little bit.