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Quietude

   How do I know this thing is working?  The  deeper I go the more I know.  Sounds mysterious, but I can feel it working.  Remember, I‘m the one who lives my life intuitively.  I want to find out how much I can change my life with meditation so the practice continues.  When I first started meditating I had no expectations.  I still don’t.  So, I was really surprised when I started to cry. I think it was about a month in. I thought it was a one time thing.  It wasn’t.  I think it took me about four days before I realized that it was something that was going to continue for awhile.  I stopped meditating in the morning because I didn’t want to go to work upset.   I was letting go. Maybe I should say, the deeper I go the more I let go.  I kept getting the tears for more than three months.

 Meditation is a great way to explore that part of yourself that seems unreachable.     

  I love what meditation has done for me so far so or but I want more.  I want a lot more.  I want peace of mind.  Is that possible?  I’m determined to find out.  I’m feeling like there’s more something that I need to let go.  I feel that because I can see that there are patterns in my life I continue to repeat and I want to let them go.  I’ve seen progress with meditation.  

  Redemption Song.   “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery” Bob Marley.  Not a reggae fan?  Me not so much, but so many people have sung that song. It’s been stuck in my head for almost two week now so I kind of feel like I’m on the right track.

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Stillness

Stillness.  The space between thoughts.  I’m curious to know what time spent in that space feels like.  Is it a space or is it a feeling.  Does it feel like home?  Who’s been there and who can tell me what it feels like? Nah.  I want to find out for myself.  That’s why I continue to meditate.  The idea that stillness lies within intrigues me.  It intrigues me enough to continue with a meditation practice for more than a year now.   I’m curious enough to keep going so I can find out what it’s like to not have a mind filled with the same random thoughts over and over, about the same old things.  “Think something new.” I command myself.  Um, that other voice says, “how do I do that?” How many voices do we have going in here anyway?  No answer…probably a good thing.

Okay, so when you exercise you can push yourself a little harder and you can feel when you’ve pushed too hard so you dial it down.   Feel the burn, blah, blah.  How do you push yourself harder in meditation?  Answer: You don’t.  It’s not that kind of exercise.  So, how do you know things are progressing?

When I first started meditating I practically hyperventilated. It’s hilarious in hindsight but I honestly thought I would never be able to quiet my breath.  Guess what? You don’t have to.  You just pay attention to your breath.  I started to hyperventilate because I was trying to control it.  The key is to just witness it, just breath and pay attention to it.  Yup.  It quiets the mind.  Of course thoughts will come into your head, thousands of them but then you remember, oh I’m meditating and you get back to paying attention to your breath.  It takes time.  it gets easier.  One day you’ll be meditating and you’ll notice that it’s easier than it used to be.  Nice.